


Let's Go (Somewhere Only We Know)

by talkcummingtome (TalkCummingToMe)



Category: Scottish Actor RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, First Dates, First Kiss, First Meetings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Heart-to-Heart, Insecurity, Insomnia, One Shot Collection, Overeating, Pillow Talk, Self-Insert, Separation Anxiety, Serenading, Slice of Life, The Author Regrets Nothing, Tummy rubs, copious use of daddy in a nonsexual way, littlespace, nonsexual tummy kink, rainy day, touch starvation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2018-10-16 08:43:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10567725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TalkCummingToMe/pseuds/talkcummingtome
Summary: This is really just a series of one-shots that are unrelated to the Behind Closed Doors series.





	1. Home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [EndoratheWitch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndoratheWitch/gifts), [FruitfulMind](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FruitfulMind/gifts).



> I don't own the man inspiring these fanfics; nor do I own any of the lyrics from Cabaret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own the man inspiring these fanfics.

"Lay your head on my chest, little one, I've got you," he murmured. "I've got you."

  
As he gathered me into his arms, I sniffled softly, doing as he suggested and feeling more tears trail down my cheeks in wet, salty streaks. He was never gone for more than a few weeks at a time, but I always missed him terribly whenever it happened.

  
"I...I m-missed you, Alan," I said, voice cracking and tears continuing to flow. "I missed you so, so much."

  
"Shh," he soothed, as his warm hands began to rub my back in just the way I liked. "Don't try to talk now; just give into your emotions, little one. I'm home and not going anywhere else for awhile."

  
That was all it took for the last pieces of my resolve to crumble. Burying my face more securely into his chest, I sobbed; weeping for the days I'd spent barely surviving from one phone call to the next and the lonely, sleepless nights when my only comfort was his scent left on the pillow next to me. It had actually gotten so bad at one point that I'd taken to sleeping in his half of the bed.

  
"Oh, my sweetheart...my little one," he whispered, using one hand to gently dab my eyes and nose with a soft tissue. "Blow your nose, my darling."

  
I did, sniffling again, and returned my face to its place on his chest in time to feel more tears threaten to escape.

  
"I'm right here," he soothed, continuing to rub my back. "I'm real and you aren't dreaming, I promise."

  
Smiling sadly at him through tear-filled eyes, I tightened my grip, holding onto him as though he were a lifeline as he kissed my forehead. He sighed, more than used to the emotionally-charged welcomes he received upon his every arrival, and began to hum as he rocked us back and forth gently.

  
"I love you," he murmured. "Oh, how I love you, sweetheart."

  
"I love you, too," I whispered, voice rather muffled by the soft, fluffy sweater he wore.

  
I shifted slightly, trying to get as close to him as I possibly could, and sniffled again. He stroked my hair, tucking the loose strands behind my ear as he did so, and continued to rub my back. We stayed like that for awhile, our limbs entwined and hearts beating in perfect sync, until my tears were a fading memory. After awhile, I drifted off to sleep knowing I was loved beyond measure.

  
When I woke a few hours later, he was still there as he'd promised, warm hands moving in slow, comforting circles in just the way I loved. He never cared when my hair was all tangled or that my eyes were puffy from crying; he loved me despite all of that and more. I smiled then, thinking how lucky I was as I looked into his luscious brown eyes.

  
"I love you," I murmured, my voice thick with emotion and slightly croaky from having just awoken. "I love you so much, Alan."

  
"I love you too, little one," he replied, one hand moving to stroke my cheek affectionately. "Did you sleep well?"

  
"Better than I have in awhile," I admitted. "At one point I missed you so much I started sleeping in your half of the bed."

  
"Oh, little one," he grinned fondly. "My adorable little one."

  
I blushed; even though we'd been married for awhile by then, he still had the power to render me speechless. As though sensing what I was thinking, he captured my lips in a soft, tender kiss, one hand still stroking my cheek. I sighed into the kiss, pulling away after a little while and smiling at him contentedly. He said nothing, only kissing me again and trying to convey that he had missed me just as much by that simple action. Pressing my forehead to his, I broke the kiss, staring at him in awe that someone could love me so much and so deeply.

  
A few fresh tears trailed down my cheeks; happy ones, this time, but tears nonetheless. Sighing delightedly, I smiled through them and settled my head onto his chest again. He was home and I couldn't ask for anything better.


	2. Whispers in the Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own the man inspiring these fics; nor do I own any lyrics from Cabaret.

It was raining. That was the first thing I noticed when I woke up that morning. The second thing was that Alan was already awake and clattering around in the kitchen fixing breakfast and, presumably, his usual pot of tea. He dared not touch my coffee maker; the one time he'd tried, it had gone horribly wrong, and neither of us had any idea how coffee grounds had gotten on the ceiling. That had been several months ago, after what we both referred to as “the catfishing incident.”

  
It had ended with me slipping from the kitchen, silent tears trailing down my cheeks and frightened that he would think I was strange or overly dramatic and then leave me. I couldn't have been more wrong, however, for he had gathered me into his arms and reassured me that he would never, ever abandon me.

  
“So, you're a drama queen. No biggie,” he'd chuckled. “And you think I'm not? I'm an actor, little one. Being dramatic is my _job_.”

  
I smiled then, remembering how he then promised never to touch my coffee maker without my knowledge, and padded down the hall and into the kitchen. Upon arriving, I found that I'd been right; he had started breakfast and made his pot of tea as he waited for me to awaken. As I stood watching from the doorway as he finished, I was hit with a powerful wave of tenderness for him.

  
“Morning,” I yawned, placing a quick kiss on his cheek as I shuffled towards the aforementioned coffee maker.

  
“Morning,” he replied, settling down at the table with our plates of food and his tea to wait for me.

  
After a few minutes, I joined him, only getting up to fill my mug. We sipped at our vices in silence for a few minutes like usual, both of us laughing as we started to eat at the same time. We were becoming an old married couple, I thought, squeezing his free hand across the table with a soft sigh of content.

  
“Penny for your thoughts, m’lass?” he inquired, tracing lines over my hand with his thumb. “You look like you have something on your mind.”

  
“You'll think it's dumb,” I answered. “Forget I said anything.”

  
“Nothing could be further from the truth, little one,” he soothed. “I promise.”

  
“Okay,” I sighed, blushing. “I was just thinking that we were becoming an old married couple.”

  
He laughed, squeezing my hand again as he smiled softly. “An old, unmarried couple, maybe.”

  
“Touché,” I responded. “Alan?”

  
“Yes, little one?” he answered, gently nudging our empty dishes out of the way to take my other hand and squeeze it as well.

  
“I love you,” I answered. “Oh, how I love you.”

  
“I love you, too,” he responded. “With all my heart.”

  
I sighed in contentment, sliding my hands out of his and moving to straddle his lap. His arms wound themselves around my body as I laid my head on his chest and nuzzled my face into the soft fabric of his pajama top.

  
“S’raining,” I informed him, my voice rather muffled by the shirt.

  
“I know,” he answered. “We can't go on our picnic later, can we.”

  
“Yes, we can!” I exclaimed, looking into his eyes with a grin. “If we have it inside, like in the living room or something.”

  
“Good point,” he smiled, kissing my lips gently. “What would I do without you?”

  
“Get bored and possibly catch a cold, or worse, the flu,” I answered, pulling him in for a proper kiss. “Mmm, you taste so good.”

  
“No, I don't,” he snorted. “Neither of us have showered or brushed our teeth and you still think so?”

  
“Yes,” I said, nodding for emphasis. “Know why? Cause you're my Alan and I love you.”

  
“Can't argue with that logic,” he said, resting his forehead against my own with a chuckle. “And you're my Sarah and I love you, too.”

  
I giggled contentedly, winding my arms around his neck as he prepared to stand. “Let’s go shower, little one, and then check on Lala and Jerry. I'm sure they need food by now.”

  
“Okay,” I agreed, kissing his nose and tightening my grip on him as we headed back to our bedroom.

  
Once we had both showered and taken care of Lala and Jerry, we headed towards the living room. It was nowhere near lunchtime yet, but neither of us really minded cause we just wanted to spend as much time together as possible. I looked into his eyes intending to say something, but couldn't as I’d suddenly found myself speechless. His eyes are like magnets, I thought, blushing deeply as I tried hard to pull away.

  
“You alright, m’lass?” he inquired softly. “Have I done something to upset you?”

  
“No, you haven't,” I assured him, blushing yet again. “I...it's just...your eyes, baby boy.”

  
He laughed softly, raising an eyebrow in a silent response. “What about my eyes, little one?”

  
“They're like magnets,” I answered. “One glance into them and I'm gone.”

  
He smiled, kissing me tenderly and stroking my hair in reply as we settled onto the couch for some intense snuggling. As I buried my face into his chest, I let out a soft noise of delight as I felt his hands begin to rub my back in just the way I liked best. We snuggled in silence for a time, hearts entwined and beating in perfect harmony, as the rain continued to fall and I drifted off to sleep.

  
“Alan,” I murmured sleepily. “Alan...”

  
“I'm right here, little one,” he soothed, pressing a soft kiss to my forehead. “Are you all right? Talk to me, hmm?”

  
“I...oh, you'll think it's silly,” I mumbled. “But I missed you.”

  
He chuckled, stroking my hair as he did. “You're really adorable; you know that?”

  
“I...thanks, I think,” I spluttered. “I just...”

  
“Shh,” he soothed. “It's okay, I know what you meant.”  
I nodded. I really wanted to answer, but I just couldn't cause I was absolutely floored. He and I had only been together for a little less than a year and yet he knew me almost as well as I knew myself. I started to smile at him, but because I could feel the stinging wetness of tears threatening to escape, I buried my face into his chest instead. With the way he always made me feel so much and feel it so deeply, I was surprised I wasn't crying all the time. He smiled gently, tightening his arms around me and once again beginning to rub my back as I sniffled against his chest.

  
“Alan,” I murmured again. “Alan...”

  
He just smiled, pressing a kiss into my hair and trusting that I'd tell him what was wrong eventually. I shifted slightly, feeling as though I would never be able to get as close to him as I needed, and nuzzled against his shirt as more tears fell.

  
“Oh, little one,” he murmured. “I'm right here. I've got you.”

  
I sniffled yet again, trying and failing to get closer to him. “Please...”

  
“Shh,” he whispered. “Don't try to tell me now. Just let it all out.”

  
That was all it took for me to really let loose. I buried my face into his chest and held onto him as tightly as I could, momentarily wondering if he minded that I was soaking his shirt. He stroked my hair in response, rubbing my back and humming softly as I cried myself to sleep.

  
I wish I could say that the rain hadn't affected my mood and that we were able to have our indoor picnic as planned, but that would be untrue. As I snuggled deeper against his chest with a soft, sleepy sigh, a fleeting thought crossed my mind: I loved him with all my heart and never wanted to leave him.


	3. Sing For Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I know this is a bit shorter than my other chapters.

_Oh god, I'm going to cry. I'm going to cry and he's going to see and think I'm weak and pathetic._ Those were my only thoughts as I shifted positions and buried my head into the pillow. Even though I knew he loved me, I just couldn't let him see me all vulnerable like this. I inhaled deeply, feeling the soft fabric of the pillowcase as it tickled my nose, and tried my best to will myself to fall asleep. Luck, however, was not on my side as I felt my breath turn shaky and my eyes start to sting with tears. _I will not cry, I will not cry_ , I thought. However, you know how it is with crying; the more you try not to, the more noise you make. And soon I was sobbing, soaking my pillow with tears that had been long overdue.

  
His warm, gentle hands on my back startled me back into reality as he settled next to me on the bed. I said nothing, just buried my face into his chest with a soft murmur, arms wrapping around him as though he'd disappear if I didn't.

  
"I've got you, little one," he murmured, rubbing my back in just the way I loved. "I'm right here and I've got you."

  
I didn't say anything, instead tightening my grip on him as more tears threatened to escape. I was sure he was wondering what had happened and whether he had done something to cause it.

  
"I'm not going anywhere, I promise," he continued, pressing a gentle kiss against my hair as he manouvered us into a more comfortable position. "I love you so much, little one. I hope you know that."

  
I sniffled, looking into his face with puffy, red-rimmed eyes and tear stained cheeks as I tried to smile. He held me tightly, one hand reaching up to gently wipe the tears from my cheeks as the other continued to rub my back. I sighed, letting my head fall back into its place on his chest; he knew I'd tell him what was wrong eventually.

  
"Would you like for me to sing to you?" he asked. "Will that make you feel better?"

  
I nodded against his chest, feeling yet more tears fall as I closed my eyes. I always liked to listen to his voice with my eyes closed so I could let his words surround me and forget the rest of the world. As he started to sing, my breathing evened out and soon I had fallen asleep. He continued to hold me close as I slept on, eyelashes dusting the beginning of my cheeks.

  
\----

  
I was groggy and disoriented when I woke a few hours later, vision blurred by the remnants of sleep as well as dried tears on my cheeks. Rubbing my eyes with a soft yawn, I looked at him pleadingly, even though I wasn't sure what I wanted. He chuckled, not unkindly, and adjusted me against him as I nuzzled my face against the soft fabric of his sweater.

  
"Oh sweetheart," he murmured, his words ticking my ear and voice like the sweetest of melodies. "I'm right here."

  
My only reply was a muffled sleepy sound and the tightening of my arms around him as though he'd vanish if I let go for even one nanosecond. He stroked my hair, leaving little kisses on my cheeks and under my ear as he continued to hold me. After a few minutes, he began to sing again; this time, it was 'All I Know,' otherwise known as my favorite out of all the songs he'd ever sung.

  
"I love it when you sing that song for me," I murmured, feeling him start to rub my back as the song ended.

  
"I know," he replied. "And I love singing it for you, little one."

  
I looked up, eyes wide, and smiled at him; I wasn't really in the mood to say much more. I loved how he always understood me no matter what and how, even when we were first dating, there had always been this unbreakable bond between us. He was my rock; someone whom I could tell everything to and who would listen to my words without any kind of judgement. With these thoughts in my mind, I sighed in contentment as I shifted, burrowing more securely into his chest. He smiled, watching as I got settled, and brought one hand up to stroke my cheek.

  
"Penny for your thoughts, little one?" he whispered.

  
"I just...love you so much," I answered simply, my voice raspy from sleep and filled with emotion. "So so much..."

  
"I love you, too, sweetheart," he replied, pressing a soft kiss to my forehead. "And I always will."

  
My eyes closed then, and I drifted back to sleep knowing I was loved and cherished beyond measure.


	4. Edible Pleasures

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a thing about Alan's tummy oops.

He leaned back in his chair, a soft, satisfied moan escaping his lips as he massaged his tummy. "Ooh...I'm absolutely stuffed, little one."

  
I giggled, rolling my eyes at him fondly. "I _told_ you not to eat so much, baby boy. You want me to rub your tummy?"

  
"Would you?" he answered, looking up at me pleadingly and pouting for emphasis. "It's not quite the same if I'm doing it myself."

  
"Of course I will, my love," I answered, planting a soft peck on his lips as I held one hand out to him. "Let's go over to the couch, hmm?"

  
"If I can manage to stand up and walk over there," he moaned, burping softly with another contented sigh.

  
"You can do it," I assured him. "I have faith in you."

  
He chuckled, grinning as he took my hand at last, and let me guide him over to our couch. He was putty in my hands, I realized, and if I played my cards right... _no_ , I mentally scolded myself, _one step at a time_. I sighed, staying silent as I watched him get settled, and snuggled up to him.

  
"Where does it hurt most?" I murmured, my hands hovering over his tummy as I awaited his response.

  
"The sides mostly, but also the middle and the top," he answered, letting out another burp as he looked at me pleadingly. "Excuse me."

  
"Everywhere?" I answered, beginning to massage him with a sympathetic smile. "Oh sweetheart..."

 

As I continued to rub at his poor, overfilled tummy, his eyes closed in delight, dark eyelashes dusting the beginning of his cheeks as a smile began to cross his lips. We had been married for awhile by now, of course, but even the smallest things still had the power to amaze me. Momentarily stopping, I pressed a kiss to his forehead, raising one hand to stroke his cheek.

  
"I love you," I sighed. "Oh, how I love you, baby boy."

  
"I love you, too, little one," he whispered, hot breath ghosting over my lips and giving me a sudden, desperate urge to snog him.

  
"Kiss me," I murmured, my own eyes closing and lips puckering in anticipation. "I need kisses..."

  
"No, you need my kisses," he teased, wrapping his arms around me and bridging the gap between us.

  
I moaned into his mouth, hearing the unspoken truth in his words, and licked at the seam of his lips. I needed this, and we both knew it. Besides, I mused, maybe this would help his tummy, too. He tasted of the tea he'd had during our meal and something unique to his person, moaning again as I explored his mouth. Nobody else I knew kissed as well as he did, and it was then that I knew I only wanted his lips on mine for the rest of our lives.

  
Pulling away, I gazed at him thoughtfully, wanting to know if he was feeling any better but also not wanting to break into the comfortable silence between us. His eyes opened after a moment as another slow, contented smile graced his lips. I smiled back, kissing him tenderly and starting to rub his tummy once more.

  
"That feels wonderful," he murmured, sighing sleepily and covering my hands with his own. "Thank you, little one."

  
"Anything for you, baby boy," I replied. "Do you feel any better?"

  
"Yes," he replied. "But can you keep rubbing my tummy anyway?"

  
"Of course, my love," I giggled, looking at him slyly. "You ate too much on purpose, didn't you."

  
"I would never!" he exclaimed, quite obviously feigning ignorance. "I swear."

  
I rolled my eyes fondly, kissing his nose. "You suck at lying. If you wanted a tummy rub, you could've just asked for one."

  
"Yeah well," he shrugged. "I can't say it wasn't worth it."


	5. Touch Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet another one that I didn't think I'd ever finish.

"I want to feel your lips against mine," I murmured, sighing contentedly as I felt his arms wrap around me. "Hear your breathing and just...take in every bit of you for as long as you'll have me."

  
"And so you will, little one," he answered, feeling my body give a shiver of delight as hot puffs of air floated into my ear. "I love you."

  
"I love you too, baby boy," I said, letting my head fall into its place on his chest. "I love you too."

  
Silence took over as we snuggled in comfortable silence. Even though we had been married for a few years by now, the love we had for each other only continued to grow, fueled by the infinite levels of understanding and deep trust we had for one another. After a few moments I adjusted my position, trying in vain to move closer to him. We were snuggled up on the chaise in the bedroom, limbs entwined and bodies pressed together as though they were covered in glue, and yet I still couldn't seem to get close enough to him.

  
He chuckled, stroking my hair and kissing my lips tenderly. "I'm not going to disappear, little one. I promise."

  
"I know," I murmured, my voice shaking as tears began to fall. "It's just that I have this constant need for touch. It's like an insatiable hunger that can't be cured by any amount of food."

  
He continued to hold me tightly as I cried, his only movements stemming from the tips of his fingers as he wiped my tears away. "Oh sweetheart. Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

  
"I...I don't know," I sniffled. "I was embarrassed, I guess. And maybe just the tiniest bit afraid of your reaction."

  
"You should never feel embarrassed or afraid to tell me things," he murmured, pressing a soft, comforting kiss to my tear-stained cheeks. "Let's go to bed, sweetheart. You can lay on me like a body pillow."

  
I smiled through the tears still running down my cheeks. "But you're so skinny and I'm not. Won't I hurt you?"

  
"I'm strong; I can take it," he soothed. "I promise."

  
That got me to giggle, although I was still teary. "I guess all that yoga is good for something, hmm?"

  
He grinned, standing and turning towards the bed. "I guess so."

  
As soon as he set me down, I immediately reached towards him with a soft murmur of protest, for I was already missing the warmth of his body. He smiled, cupping my cheek with one hand and chuckling affectionately as I hugged his arm against my chest. The old hunger was definitely kicking in; I hadn't even been able to go a minute without touching him in some way.

  
"The sooner you let go, the sooner I can hold you again, little one," he reminded me gently. "I won't disappear, I swear."

  
"I know, I know," I murmured, sighing as I reluctantly released him. "Just hurry up, yeah?"

  
He chuckled, watching my face as he climbed onto the bed. He barely had time to get settled before I'd snuggled up to him, arms wrapped around his waist and cheek pressed against his chest. Sighing contentedly as I felt his arms wrap around me, I lifted my head from his chest with a soft smile.

  
"This is where I belong," I whispered, letting my head fall onto his chest once more. "Safe in your arms."

  
"Indeed you do, little one," he agreed, pressing a warm kiss to my cheek as he began to rub my back in just the way I loved. "Indeed you do."

  
"I love you, Alan," I murmured, voice shaking as my eyes once again filled with tears. "I love you so, so much."

  
He said nothing, just allowing me to cry for as long as I needed to and continuing to rub my back as he held me. I sighed, sniffling as I realized I always felt so warm and safe in his embrace no matter what.

  
"I never, ever want to leave your arms," I muttered, voice muffled by his shirt. "Don't make me, please don't make me."

  
"Shh," he soothed. "That's not going to happen. I will never leave you, I swear."

  
"I'll believe that when I see it," I answered, smiling sadly as more tears threatened to escape. "Do you know how long it's been since I've been touched in any sort of meaningful way?"

  
"No, but from the way you're talking, I'd guess it's been awhile," he replied. "Talk to me, hmm? Let me know what I've got to work with."

  
I sighed. "Seven years. Seven long, touchless years."

  
He was quiet for awhile, needing time to process the weight of what I'd just told him. His long, delicate fingers gently combed through my hair as we continued to lay there in silence. I sighed, looking up at him with tear-stained cheeks and red-rimmed eyes.

  
"Before I met you, I was absolutely convinced that I was going to die all alone, old and touch-starved," I admitted softly. "Being held like this and for as long as I want or need it...well...it's a foreign concept to me now, you know?"

  
"Oh sweetheart," he murmured. "You'll never have to be deprived again, I promise. I love you and all I want is your happiness."

  
"Alan..." I sighed. "I don't think you'll ever know or understand how much that means to me."

  
He chuckled, tenderly brushing a few stray hairs out of my eyes. "Come here, little one. You've been strong for far too long. Let me be your rock."

  
I couldn't reply, for I was absolutely floored by those words. It was all I could do not to cry again; instead burying my face completely into the softness of his shirt as I squeezed him tightly.

  
"Cry if you need to, sweetheart," he murmured. "I've got you."

  
I didn't say anything. I'd fallen asleep knowing in the back of my mind that I was tucked safely in his arms and surrounded by the soothing warmth of his body. He smiled, planting a kiss on my cheek, then turned out the lights and followed my lead.


	6. Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angsty oneshot is angsty.

"Do you love me?" I murmured, eyes wide and tears threatening to spill over as I watched him clear the table.

  
"Oh, little one," he murmured, turning to face me with a tender look. "What brought this on?"

  
"I...I don't know," I answered, voice breaking as I tried, almost failing, to will the tears not to fall. "I just...I don't...I can't..."

  
Sensing that I needed him much more than any of the dishes, he quickly set the plates he'd been holding on the counter and gathered me into his arms. In response, I buried my face into his chest with a soft, needy murmur, holding onto him as tightly as I possibly could and sighing in relief as I felt him start to rub my back in just the way I loved.

  
"I'm right here, my darling," he soothed, voice calming me in ways I couldn't explain. "I'm not going anywhere; I promise."

  
I didn't reply, just pressed my face against his chest more securely as I let the tears fall. I hated to soak his sweater so, but it really couldn't be helped at the moment. He continued to rub my back, humming softly as he carried me to bed. Once there, I lifted my head from his chest momentarily, cheeks marred with tear stains and eyes red and puffy as I looked at him in embarrassment. I hated the thought of him thinking I was weak.

  
As though he was reading my mind, he chuckled softly, pressing kisses to my cheeks with a murmur of, "You aren't weak for needing to cry, sweetheart. Whomever told you so doesn't know what they're talking about."

  
My jaw dropped, for I was floored as his words sank in. He always knew the right things to say in order to ease my pain or make me happy, and it just made me love him that much more. He chuckled again, glad to see that I had stopped crying for the moment, although I still had a vice-like grip on him. The feeling of his breathing and sounds of his heartbeat had a calming effect as we continued to stay like that for some time, neither of us wanting to let go. With each breath I took, I inhaled his scent, sighing as he held me and lifting my head up to plant a kiss on his cheek.

  
"Do you love me?" I repeated my earlier question.

  
"Very much so, little one," he replied, kissing my lips lightly. "I wouldn't have married you if I didn't, you know."

  
"I know," I murmured. "I just get so insecure and doubtful sometimes, baby boy, and I'm sorry."

  
"You never need to apologize for having emotions, sweetheart," he assured me. "It's what makes us human."

  
"I know," I sighed. "I just...I don't always like it."

  
"Listen to me, sweetheart," he said, kissing my forehead soothingly. "I'm not going to love you any less for it if that's what you're worried about."

  
Once again, my jaw dropped as his words sank in. He chuckled affectionately, tightening his grip on me as I looked at him in awe with eyes shining in adoration. I couldn't say anything as we continued to snuggle. A soft pattering on the roof was the only sound other than our breaths and I knew it had started raining.

  
"It's raining," I murmured, suddenly having a need to say something, anything at all, to break the silence.

  
"So it is," he agreed. "And I can't think of any better ways to spend the day than safe and warm in bed with you, my darling."

  
Silence filled the room then, for I had fallen asleep due to crying having taken its toll on my body. Alan chuckled quietly, tucking the covers more securely around us as he settled in to join me. One small hand closed around three of his fingers as I turned over, trying to get comfortable and knowing he would be there when I woke later. He squeezed my hand in response as I slept on, whispering in my ear for me to rest, succumbing to the caress of dreams a few moments later. Whatever happened in the future didn't matter anymore cause I knew he would always be there protecting and supporting and loving me with all of his heart and every fiber of his being.


	7. Tender-Loving Care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know it's not his birthday anymore, but I got sidetracked.

"Come here, little one," he murmured, arms open and luggage thudding onto the floor as I all but ran into his arms. "I'm right here, hmm? Daddy's got you, daddy's got you."

  
I couldn't reply; I was too busy burying my face into his chest to inhale his scent. He'd only been gone for several weeks but it felt like so much longer. Even though I knew it was necessary to his work for him to travel, that didn't mean I had to like it. He chuckled gently, having known beforehand that I'd have this sort of reaction, and began to rub my back in just the way I loved.

  
"I'm really here, sweetheart," he soothed. "You aren't dreaming, I promise."

  
I sniffled, tears continuing to run down my cheeks in wet lines. "This isn't how I wanted to celebrate your birthday."

  
"I know, little one," he murmured, pressing me closer to him and not caring that we were tangled together in an uncomfortable chair in the middle of the airport. "What's important is that we're together, not how we spend the day."

  
"I guess you're right," I agreed, placing a soft, slightly damp kiss on his cheek. "I just missed you so much, is all. I hate being apart from you."

  
"I know," he soothed. "I love you so much; you know that?"

  
"I love you, too, daddy," I murmured softly, voice muffled against his shirt. "I...I hope you know I'm not using that in a sexual way."

  
"I know you aren't, sweetheart," he assured me. "And even if you were, I wouldn't mind."

  
As I opened my mouth to say something in reply, I was cut off by an unfamiliar voice telling us the airport would be closing soon. I looked at Alan, face pink from embarrassment, and giggled.

  
"Guess we'd better go," he murmured, helping me off his lap and bending over to pick up his fallen luggage. "We'll pick this up when we get home."

  
I nodded, wrapping my hand around three of his fingers, and let him guide me to the car. Once we were all buckled up and on the road, I looked at him with a mixture of relief and delight. He looked _exhausted_ , if I was going to be honest, and suddenly I couldn't wait to get home and tuck him into bed. Most times it was him who was doing the tucking in, oftentimes accompanied by a story, and while I loved it, I felt like I should return the favor. I smiled at him then, squeezing his hand when I got a chance.

  
"I can't wait to get you home," I murmured, finally voicing my earlier thoughts. "I want to take care of you the way you do for me."

  
"And I can't wait to _be_ home," he replied, sighing sleepily. "Pretty much all I could think about while I was gone were your snuggles and tummy rubs, little one."

  
"Really? I'm sure you had other things to think about, too," I teased, giggling and squeezing his hand once again.

  
"Yes, but none of them were as important," he answered, pulling the car into the garage and undoing his seatbelt. "I'm so glad to be home, sweetheart. You have no idea."

  
I nodded, following him into the house with a contented sigh and watching as he collapsed onto the sofa with a yawn. Unpacking could wait, I supposed, nestling against his side and settling my head onto his chest.

  
"I know you're tired, baby boy," I murmured. "But let's get you tucked into bed, hmm? The last thing you need is a sore neck."

  
"Mmm," he agreed, rubbing his eyes with the palm of one hand and leaning over. "Just let me get my shoes off first."

  
I nodded, going into our bedroom and turning on the lights as I waited. He padded in a few minutes later looking as though he was about to pass out. I took his hand, coaxing him to sit down on the bed and kissing his forehead.

  
"Lay down, my love," I murmured. "Let your little one take care of you, yeah?"

  
His only response was another yawn. I giggled, cuddling up to him and turning out the lamp so he could nap. It felt so good to be back in his arms where I belonged that before I knew it, I had fallen asleep too.

  
Several hours later, I jolted awake to find him still asleep, face buried into the pillow with one arm thrown carelessly above his head. He looked so peaceful that I had to grab my camera and snap a few pictures. I smiled, pressing my lips to his cheek in a tender kiss as I adjusted the blanket around him, and quietly left the room so he could sleep undisturbed. I went to the kitchen, wondering if there was anything I could heat for him but sighed when I remembered that he was the cook. Now what? I shrugged, thinking about takeout but nixed that idea too when I remembered I'd been eating the stuff a lot during his absence. I finally decided to wait on the couch, knowing he'd wake soon and come find me after realIzing my half of the bed was empty. Sure enough, he wandered in a few minutes later, blinking sleepily and wrapping his arms around me from behind.

  
"What're you doing, little one?" he inquired, voice raspy from sleep and stifling a yawn as he sat next to me.

  
"Well, I was going to heat food for you but you're the cook and I'm tired of takeout," I sighed. "So I'm just kinda sitting here."

  
He laughed, pecking my lips softly. "You're so sweet."

  
"Nuh-uh," I replied. "You're the sweet one, daddy."

  
"Come here, little one," he cooed, patting his lap. "I love you so much."

  
With a soft murmur, I climbed into his lap, glad to be where I belonged once more and knowing we wouldn't be interrupted this time. He held me tightly, rubbing my back in just the way I loved as I settled my head onto his chest. He began to hum softly as we continued to snuggle. It may have been his birthday, but I knew for sure that I was the lucky one.

  
"Happy birthday, baby boy," I murmured. "I love you."


	8. I Don't Do Mornings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry; I know this is much shorter than usual.

"I can't sleep."

  
He turned around, watching as I stood in the doorway, thumb in my mouth and tired eyes brimming with unshed tears. I was absolutely exhausted and yet...sleep was eluding me. Oh, the unfortunate irony, I thought, yawning as I padded over to him.

  
"Daddy...I can't sleep," I repeated, words garbled around my thumb.

  
"Come here, little one," he cooed, gathering me into his arms with a soft smile. "Daddy will take care of you."

  
I nodded, resting my head on his chest with an almost inaudible sigh as we settled onto the loveseat under a warm blanket. His chest made the perfect pillow as we snuggled in contented silence for awhile. Then...

  
"Talk to me, sweetheart," he murmured. "Did you have a bad dream? Are you hurt anywhere?"

  
"No," I mumbled. "Not hurt or anything. Just missed you."

  
He chuckled, beginning to rub my back in just the way I loved. "You're so adorable; you know that?"

  
"I would hope so," I answered, "since you tell me this so often."

  
"I wouldn't say so if it wasn't true, sweetheart," he said, standing carefully. "Come on, let's go back to bed."

  
"...you'll stay with me this time, right?" I asked, looking at him pleadingly and pouting for emphasis. "Please say you'll stay this time, daddy."

  
"Of course I will, little one," he soothed. "You know I can't refuse you anything."

  
"That's right," I giggled, planting a soft kiss on his cheek. "Cause I've got you wrapped around my little finger."

  
He made no reply; just continuing to hold me tightly as he settled us into bed. I settled my head onto his chest after a moment's thought, letting the sounds of his heartbeat soothe away any worries I may have had. I was almost asleep when his voice broke through our quiet contentment a little while later.

  
"Are you absolutely sure you aren't hurt, little one?" he asked, looking at me critically. "And no nightmares either?"

  
"I'm very sure," I murmured. "I just sleep a lot better when you're around."

  
"Oh, sweetheart," he replied, voice thick with emotion. "You don't know how happy that makes me."

  
"I think I can guess," I said. "And I know I say this a lot, but I love you, daddy."

  
In response, he kissed my lips tenderly. "I love you, too, little one."

  
I fell silent again after that, content to just be near him and know he was there to protect me. I shifted, yawning into his chest as my eyes closed, and twined my hand around three of his fingers. He kissed my cheek, carefully turning his body to switch off the lamp, and then guided me down with him for a good night's sleep. He began to hum, his voice echoing in my ears as I finally drifted into sleep.

  
"Sweet dreams, my love," he whispered; then he followed suit.

 


	9. Finding The Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is slightly darker than the others.

I sighed. Then I shifted in my seat, looking around at the view before me with a sudden pang of sadness. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't notice when he sat down next to me. Why, oh, why had I ever thought it was a good idea to tell him how I felt? For all I knew, he had come to find me just to turn me down, or worse, laugh in my face and tell me how pathetic I was.

 

 

"Are you okay?" he asked. "I'm sorry I followed you here without your consent, but you just looked so sad and so broken when you left."

 

 

I turned my head, trying very hard not to let him know that I had been crying. "I...it's hard when you love someone and they can never know because you know they've got someone. And it's worse knowing that even if you could tell them, there's no way they'd be into you."

 

 

He nodded knowingly, taking my hand in his and squeezing gently. "What would you say to them if you could?"

 

 

"I...I don't know," I said honestly. "Maybe I'd say something about how they mean everything to me and that I'd do absolutely anything in my power to make them happy. And that if there was any chance at all of them loving someone like me I'd be able to die happy."

 

 

"Wow," he replied. "I know if someone said something like that to me, I'd be unable to turn them down."

 

 

My eyes went wide. "I...I don't know what to say to that. I...look, can I be honest with you?"

 

 

"...you were talking about me this whole time, weren't you," he answered shrewdly. "I'm flattered. And I'd love to go out with you, sweetheart."

 

 

"I thought we already were...but I have to ask...what about your husband?" I said. "Aren't you still with him?"

 

 

"No," he smiled sadly. "We drifted apart some time ago and finally divorced. And then I saw all the nice comments you'd left on my posts...and I...oh, I'm rambling, aren't I."

 

 

"Yes," I answered. "But it's okay. I find it cute."

 

 

He chuckled. "Come back to the house with me, sweetheart."

 

 

I nodded, subconsciously lifting my arms up and giggling as he gathered me into his arms. When we returned to the house I snuggled against him on the couch, absentmindedly rubbing his tummy as he held me tightly. I never wanted to leave his arms if it could be helped; I just felt so safe there. We sat like that in silence for awhile, neither of us noticing the tears that had once again started to fall from my eyes. I hated the thought of him seeing me in such a state of helplessness.

 

 

"Oh, sweetheart," he cooed, dabbing at my eyes with a soft tissue. "I love you. Don't cry; I'm not going anywhere."

 

 

"I...I know," I mumbled, suddenly at a loss for words. "It's just...I didn't think..."

 

 

He nodded, pressing a soft kiss to my forehead. "I know you love me. I just didn't really consider the depth of your feelings for me."

 

 

"Do you hate me?" I muttered. "It's okay if you do; I know I can be pretty hard to love."

 

 

"No, of course not!" he exclaimed, thoughtfully softening his tone as I jumped in his arms. "We're in this for the long haul, little one."

 

 

"Promise?" I looked up at him hopefully.

 

 

"Yes, my darling," he soothed. "I'll be yours until you say otherwise."

 

 

"Thank you for not giving up on me...or worse, freaking out," I answered, holding onto him tightly. "Honestly, I've been holding back my feelings for so long. And even though we've been together awhile, I felt that you deserved to know the truth."

 

 

"I know, little one," he murmured, kissing my lips gently. "And I love you just as much."

 

 

I sighed contentedly, shifting myself even closer to him as I closed my eyes to let sleep take me.

 


End file.
